A Cautionary Tale of Vision Impairment and a Bicycular Debacle

Last night I fractured my right knee, and here is the email I sent out to my brothers about it:

Dearest Brothers,
Let me entertain you tonight with a little cautionary tale of extreme stupidity. It all started when I was helping Larissa and Other Girl clean up Jazzmans....

So I found these aviators under the counter in Jazzmans and decided to wear them around. So I'm looking cool as shit, cleaning stuff up and strutting around like I'm king of the world. After we're done, I head out to go home while Reeves and Larissa take pastry stuff and keys over to Wismer. As I'm walking out the library I decide that I should ride home wearing the sunglasses because, after all, John Beluci and Dan Akroyd drove 300 miles to Chicago at night wearing sunglasses, so a simple trip down Main St. shouldn't be a problem at all right? WRONG WRONG WRONG!

It starts off fine, I bike down to the gate and cross the street at the crosswalk since there aren't any cars in sight and head down the sidewalk. As I get to the church I see some people on the sidewalk, so I go into the street and pass them. Here's where the fun begins! Since I was wearing sunglasses I couldn't really see the curb, so I guess I hit a bad part and/or at a bad angle. My bike lurches onto the sidewalk and I flip over the handlebar. Now if you haven't had a thing like this happen you might not have experience something like this, but time felt as though it had slowed down and I distinctly remember thinking "Ok this sucks a littlOH SHIT I'M IN THE AIR"

I tumble around in front of Commonwealth and see these 2 kids sitting on the porch who ask if I'm alright. I try to maintain as much dignity as possible and reply "Yeah, how are you?". Not in a sarcastic way, but definitely trying to keep my guard up. They probably said something, but I really wanted to be on my way home since my left elbow was bleeding and my right leg was trembling. After I turn the front wheel completely around I get on and begin a tender and slow ride back to 424. My right leg is sore, but I'm not thinking anything is seriously wrong at this point.

I get to the back of my house, dismount, and my right knee decides it wants to slide out to the right when I put pressure down on the leg. "Awesome!" I think, "it might be broken or something". I sit on the bottom of the steps up to our apartment and call campus safety who dispatches SERV out to me. While I'm sitting there waiting I call almost all of my housemates, hoping one of them would be home and bring me down some BAND-AIDs. Unfortunately, they don't answer their phones at night or something, because eventually Molly (who was in Ricter) had to IM one of them to tell them to come down.

By this time the safety officer had come down and took my story. Then who should walk around the corner but Captain Fantastic himself, Mark Smedburg in the flesh! He whips out a colorful pair of gloves and begins poking my leg, asking about pain values. During this time, Lloyd and Cristoph (spelling? I'm pretty sure it was him) show up and Lloyd starts teaching him how to answer SERV calls. Mark determines it isn't broken and gives me an ice pack. I make a joke about taking a picture for MCS and then head upstairs. As I'm going up the steps the knee joint pops back into place and starts feeling 100%-135% better. After spending time swapping stories of being stupid and/or getting hurt I call my parents and head upstairs (again woo!) to tell you all this:

Don't do anything stupid that someone ever did in a movie. Seriously.

Fraternally yours,
Yogi Bear

All in all a pretty good story I think. I'll update with news after I see an Orthopaedic Surgeon this week.